A few weeks ago, I received a bit of news regarding my “relationship status”.
Or, to be more specific, the lack thereof.
Apparently, studies have been done. Real, serious, hard and fast studies. With statistics and “real people” (who are not “actors” and whose “results may or may not be typical”) and “29 dimensions of compatibility”.
The whole shebang.
The good news is that I now have a scapegoat on whom I can blame all of my misfortune in the love department.
The bad news is that this whole thing is entirely out of my hands. It is what it is. Kind of a deal.
What in the world am I talking about, you ask?
You see. Studies were done recently that looked into the statistics of dating websites. These things are apparently rife with anthropologic data. They are basically one huge semi-controlled social experiment in which you kind of sort of throw people into a ring, let them fight it out, and then see who prevails in the end. Who gets alpha male status. That kind of thing.
And what they found was that, while we think love is based on personality and chemistry and sex appeal and how much of an ass someone is. What it really comes down to.
Is what smart phone you use.
Statistics, real hard fast serious statistics, have shown that iPhone users are luckier in love than Android users. Android users get more play than Blackberry-ers. And if you don’t have a smart phone? Um. Well. I hate to tell you this, but you don’t exist. You cannot pass go, collect 200 dollars, or make it in world of online dating. Sorry. I don’t make the rules, I just live by them.
Upon hearing this, I could have had many reactions. I could have been angry because it means that all this time I have spent culturing my wit and charm and sass. Was for naught when I could have saved myself some time and energy and just bought an iPhone.
I could have been sad because I will never be an iPhone user. I’m just not an iPhone kind of gal. Which means there must be some intrinsic quality that is directly correlated with being an iPhone user. That I lack. A personality flaw that I cannot even begin to pinpoint. (I guess I could do some case controlled studies. But that seems excessive.)
No. Instead, I decided to just embrace my Android. And my single lady status. And make some single lady food. While dancing around my apartment to Beyonce. And doing the single lady dance.
Cannellini Beans with Fresh Basil, Tomatoes, Capers, and Zucchini over Polenta
Serves 4-5, an Eats Well With Others original
1 cup dried cannellini beans or 2 (14 oz) cans
water and lots of it
1 tbsp olive oil
1 onion, diced
3 cloves garlic, minced
4 medium zucchini or summer squash or a mix, diced
1 28 oz can whole peeled tomatoes
2 tbsp capers
2 tbsp balsamic vinegar
1 tsp red pepper flakes (or more to taste)
1/2 cup basil, shredded
2 cups polenta
8 cups water
1/2 cup grated parmesan cheese
salt and freshly ground black pepper
1. If using dried beans, soak them overnight so that they are completely covered in water. Drain them the next day and cook for 30 minutes to 2 hours depending on your beans, or until soft.
2. Chop up all your veggies. In a medium, non-stick skillet, heat the olive oil. Add in the onion and cook over medium-high heat until just starting to brown and soften, about 3 minutes. Add in the garlic and cook for 30 seconds or until fragrant.
3. Add the zucchini to the pan. Cook, stirring occasionally, until zucchini begins to soften, 5-6 minutes. Add in the tomatoes, which you should SQUISH to break apart as you add them (use your hands. It’s fun.), beans, capers, balsamic vinegar, red pepper flakes and basil. Bring to a boil and then simmer while you make the polenta.
4. I used instant polenta so this took me not very long to do, but you should cook according to the package’s instructions. Bring 6 cups of the water to a boil. While this is happening, mix the polenta with the remaining 2 cups of water so that it forms a slurry. When the 6 cups are boiling, pour in the polenta slurry. Turn the heat to low and stir continuously for about 3-5 minutes or until polenta has thickened to desired consistency. Turn off the heat and add about 1/2 cup grated parmesan cheese, as well as salt and pepper to taste. Spoon into serving bowls.
5. Taste the cannellini ragout for salt, pepper, and seasoning. Spoon on top of the polenta. Garnish with basil and serve.
I am submitting this to Weekend Herb Blogging, which is being hosted by Anna of Anna’s Cool Finds and My Legume Love Affair, which is being hosted by Susan of The Well-Seasoned Cook. And Meatless Mondays, hosted over at My Sweet and Savory!