[Updated from the Recipe Archives]
About five months ago, in the midst of the aftermath of a minor surgery that my brother had (he’s fine…fully recovered. It really was incredibly minor.), I received a phone call from him.
Slightly loopy from the painkillers (or from whatever drugs he took to sedate him enough to deal with being in the house with my parents for 24 hours a day. Every day. For two weeks. They did say the pain would go away after a few days. But wrote him a prescription for almost a month’s worth of Percoset. Talk about foresight.). He jumped right into the real reason for his call.
“Joanne”, he said furtively. Almost whispering. “Is this a safe line?”
Safe line? What are we, on CSI?
“Daniel, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Groan of frustration. “Are you being tapped?”
Tapped? Keg? He really shouldn’t be mixing alcohol with those painkillers.
“Um. I doubt it Daniel. Unless the government wants to hear my scintillating conversations with my friends as we discuss the psychology behind the errant actions of the 20-year-old male. But I really hope they have more important things to do.”
“No, not the government. Your parents. Can they hear this?”
Step one. Observe the patient. Take notes. Breathing: fast. Heart rate: fast. Tumor. Rubor. Calor. Dolor. Malnourishment.
Differential diagnosis: Life in the Bruno household. Paranoia. Anxiety. Completely rational fear of having your privacy invaded at all times.Sounds about right.
“Well, considering you are the one in the same house as them. I really can’t answer that question. But on a related note, your doctor did tell you not to take more than one of those painkillers at a time right?”
“Joanne! This isn’t the time for jokes. This is SERIOUS.”
Don’t argue with the tachycardic. Onward.
“So what brings you into my office?”
“Today. Your father did something really bad. Really. Really. Bad.”
“How would you rate the “badness” on a scale of he took you out for ice cream to he’s running away with a Russian mail order bride named Olga?”
“Hmmm. Okay. And have you been experiencing any discharge from your nipples lately?”
“I don’t know. They tell us to ask that. Please describe to me, in your own words, your exact experience of what’s happened.”
“Well today. I was laying on the couch. Minding my own business. When he tried to make me guacamole.”
CODE RED. I repeat. CODE RED. I have a reported case of bad guacamole making in Queens, NY.
Squat teams. Please stand by.
So I posted this guacamole recipe for the first time in June of last year. And then it was also featured in my guest post on The Happiness in Health. But when I made it a few weeks ago to bring to my cousin’s roommate’s surprise birthday party/bbq I knew, when it disappeared in all of ten minutes and was declared the best guacamole that my cousin had ever tasted, that I had to share it with you guys again. Namely because. Let’s be honest. The old pictures were bad. And definitely weren’t going to entice you to make this anytime soon. And with all of the parties and barbecues happening this weekend. That would be a shame. So really. Make this. You won’t be disappointed. And neither will your guests.
As a side note, I hope to be updating old posts with new pictures semi-frequently. At least for the food I really think is worthwhile. Let me put it this way. I never cook anything twice. So if I deem it good enough to remake and share with you (again) then, yeah, you should be giving it a try.
Happy Memorial Day weekend!
Tyler Florence’s Guacamole
2 small tomatoes, chopped
¾ of a lime, juiced
½ large red onion, chopped small
¼ tsp cumin
¼ tsp chili powder
¼ cup cilantro, plus extra to taste
Salt to taste
Mix everything together and mash until you have a chunky but somewhat cohesive consistency. Taste for seasoning and serve on burgers, with chips, on turkey sandwiches. Or dig in with a spoon. I won’t judge.
This is going to Preeti’s Green Gourmet Event!
Back in the day, I had submitted this to Tyler Florence Fridays.
This time around, it’s going to Weekend Herb Blogging, which is being hosted by Haalo of Cook (Almost) Anything.
I don’t know if you guys have noticed the customizable chocolate bar craze that has swept the internet. Recently, I was lucky enough to be sent two chocolate bars of my creation by Chocbite (the bars in the top panel) AND take part in a Chocri girls v. boys chocolate bar relay race (the bar in the bottom panel). Yes. I was in chocolate heaven. Yes. They were delicious. While customizable chocolate bars are something that I wouldn’t have thought to buy, after tasting these babies. I was kind of in chocolate heaven. And I’m not even really a chocolate person. But eating a chocolate bar covered in figs or pistachios or roasted chickpeas or honey chocolate drops. Can have that effect on a person. So if you’re looking for a really nice gift for your favorite chocolate lover. Or just want to treat yourself to something nice. I would definitely recommend either (or both!) of these companies!
Disclaimer – Although I received these products for free, I did not receive any monetary compensation for doing this review. My thoughts and feelings on them are entirely my own.
Great post Joanne! You are too funny.
i have company this weekend. i should make guacamole. it’s a favorite with my folks. yum!
Sounds like you spoil your brother and he enjoys it:)
I bet Tyler’s guacamole is awesome. I’ve never had it, but I need to!
Those chocri chocolate bars have definitely got my attention. The trouble is deciding what to get in your bar. Too many decisions.
Have a great weekend!
Hey Joanne, you are so funny! Oh, and this guacamole looks wonderful. Your photos are making me want to slice open my avocados, but they’re hard, so I’m going to resist that urge.
I’ve never heard of that bar btw, but they look really nice…
I don’t often make guacamole. I will try this. The husband loves guacamole. Me? I’m more of a sour cream fan. Thanks!
can you please write ur own book of all ur stories and adventures!! theyre too good for just blogging and need to be appreciated by the millions <3 MMM GUACAMOLE IS SERVED KIDS-COME AND GET IT!!!
ha, are you going to be one of those doctors? 🙂 mmm, guacamole. i wonder if you can make it with frozen avocados?
Intersting post. Very funny! Have a great weekend.
I rarely make anything twice either, so when I see a repeater, I know it’s good!
I love the guacamole…do send it to my ongoing event, green gourmet. A perfect entry. I love the chocri site, planning to get some thing soon.
You are too funny! I am crazy for guacamole. I wish I wasn’t the only one in my house that will eat it! The chocolate looks scrumptious as well! 🙂
Now I know, I can ask you to read a specific post from my blog and not worry.
Do I get a commission for making you famous, no that should be infamous?
even i’ve been planning to re-do the pix on my old posts.
the conversation with your brother is funny!
Very timely, I have some avocados, Grainger county tomatoes (sweet heavenly things), and the rest of the stuff needed to make the guac. Thanks!
Your brother seems to have survived his surgery. Did he survive the extended home-stay? You guacamole looks and sounds wonderful. I hope you are having a great day. Blessings…Mary
i love this story! so great and it had me giggling…..have to try this version of guac-i am sure it is beyond words 🙂
have a great weekend!
omg, you’re crackin’ me up over here!! mwaaa ha ha ha…him on painkillers is like me on life…constant world I live in…I’ve always lived like my life was a movie, LOL!! Your guac sounds delish!
Guacamole heals all! Love that this makes such a big batch- I usually just use one or two avocados, and it’s all gone in an instant!
Your brother sounds awesome!! So does your guacamole. I can never get enough avocado!
Your avocado recipe just comes in time. I will definitely give it a try. Love your beautiful shots! And the chocolate bars look heaven with all the nuts!
delicious food i love this post its cool post
The guac looks so chunky and delicious!
Your Guacamole looks too good to miss! Love the cumin and chilli in it.
You’re too funny, Joanne! I’ve been lusting after your guac ever since I saw it on Jessie’s blog a couple weeks ago! I think I’ll make it for tomorrow’s BBQ. 😉
my husband is looking at me like i’m a crazy person as i sit here and laugh at your story. you’re hilarious!
i LOVE guac, i could eat it with a spoon. this is just beautiful!
Love guacamole! Heck I live in Texas don’t I? I want to make some to go with the killer margaritas I am getting ready to fix in a couple hours!
Un guacamole comme je les aime. Bravo!!
Bonne semaine et à bientôt.
I love guacamole and I bet Tyler’s recipe is delicious. Though, I’m not sure it’s really possible to make bad guac.
Brothers are the best. Mine is a pathologist, and I love when he comes into town or we go see his family. Your guacamole looks wonderful– it would really hit the spot right now 🙂
Your guacomole looks incredibly delicious. I would definitely be one of the people standing around this at a barbecue eating it up (and making sure no one double dipped..lol).
Your a good sister. You will make an excellent doctor. Will there be dips and cheese and crackers in the waiting room?
Chocolate looks amazing!
Your guacamole look perfect Joanne!
How did you know I have languishing avocados?
They are now destined for the guacamole bowl! I love Tyler’s recipes. We are such good influences on our Dads – I introduced him to avocados and now he loves them on his tacos.
lol, what a wonderful post! the guacamole looks so yummy and delicious.
I love Tyler Florence recipes, and this guacamole is no exception. Interesting that he adds cumin, I’ll have to try that next time.
Chocbite bars look amazing!
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Guac is tops. You can use the same ingredients each time, and each batch always has its own particular bite. I soup mine up hardcore with jalapenos – seeds and all – nice pics. Making me hungry!
i really feel like there’s nothing worse then a bad batch of guacamole. like when you get a good batch it’s like heaven in your mouth but a bad batch of guac is like life altering. i understand where your bro is coming from hahaha
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I, too, got free samples of the Chocri. A really fun concept. And of course, you have no one to blame except yourself if you don’t like the flavor since you’re the one constructing the toppings for each bar. Ohhhh, the pressure…. 😉
I would totally dig in with a spoon 🙂
what a random and hilarious conversation. drugs can be fun, can’t they! 🙂
meanwhile, guacamole rules. chip, spoon, finger–whatever.
Wooow i like choc with nuts dear taste very good.Guacomale recipe looks perfect dear you have done a nice job.
I’ve never tried a “make my own chocolate” but it really is a great idea!
That guac would disappear quickly around here too!
Anything as good as this needs to be repeated. Besides, some of our best recipes were posted back when we first started.
Love that you added cumin…going to try that.
It’s a big deal for me when I cook something twice, too. So this must be REALLY good. I MUST try it. Must.
Interesting post! What a funny brother, you will be a great doctor, I’m sure! And this is one great recipe, love that guac! Have a good day!
You and Daniel…I swear I see a CBS comedy show somewhere in there. I love avocado. LOVE. And have a weakness for guacamole. And I’m allergic. How’s that for a cruel joke? I subject myself to the hives anyway. Now, how’s that for love?
Thank you for overemphasizing how minor my surgery was. For the record, I was actually tachycardic (it was no fun from what I can remember). And it was Vicodin, not Percoset.
Next time you want to talk about my nipples, please confer with me first.
I love guacamole, I will try your recipe soon!
I am going to have to try Tyler’s guac–one of his recipes I actually didn’t ever make. 😉 I liked my Chocri bar too–amazing how much stuff they load them with.
Yay! Another shoutout to Queens! Woot! I love guac, so I’m always looking for new recipes. I’ve never heard of the Chocri bars but man, they look awesome! Customizable chocolate!?!? Hello? I don’t think it gets any better than that!
I had an insane craving for guacamole last night and ran out to the grocery store to buy supplies, make myself guac, and park myself on the couch. I wish I had seen this recipe beforehand because it looks a LOT better than the on-the-fly one I made last night! Oh well. I have some leftover chips for when the next guac craving hits. Definitely sooner rather than later since I didn’t save any for Boy!
Love a good guac. Yum!
And I have been wanting an excuse to order a customize chocolate bar…and I am not a chocolate person either! just so curious!
LOVE quacamole…Joanne, you are too too funny!
Yummmmmmm I wish I could eat fresh guacamole everyday! Looks amazing.
Thanks for mentioning us Joanne! We’re glad you liked them 🙂
I will definitely try this one at home. I have never made something like this.